Before I jump into what’s on my heart, hear me out- this post isn’t intended to throw shade at anyone or to make anyone feel guilty. Actually, this post isn’t about you nor is it even about me! I pray that (if you know me) you would consider my heart, consider the fact that I’ve wrestled with my own pride, insecurities, questions, and doubts before writing.
Let’s talk about singleness, shall we? 😁
I can honestly say that if ever there was an area of concern in my life for my family and friends alike, this would be it. I’ve come to the conclusion that you all mean well, and I trust that your hearts are pure in your concerns…
I know you loving people stand with me in that marriage isn’t the end all be all, however, some of these questions I get asked by you guys are a bit cray. Bear with me.
Before I dive into those, let’s start with how I view my singleness.
I believe that being single(just like being married) is an absolute gift from God! Every day that I wake up single is the best day, because it’s the day God chose for my life. Hear me out- whether I FEEL like it or not, I get to live God’s best for my life every single day.
Psalm 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Is it hard to believe this sometimes, of course! But does my belief in that change that truth, absolutely NOT! My God loves me SO much and knows what’s best for me. He knows how many days I have on this earth and He knows how I will best serve Him on each of those days. Every. Single. Day. I pray that my hear will always desire this- God choose to do with my life what will bring you the MOST glory and change my heart to desire just that. Single and married alike, our purpose in life is to glorify God. I believe it is in that place, that we will most be satisfied.
Now let’s tackle some of these cray questions… Lol
Do you even want to get married?
Yes… and sometimes no (but don’t tell my mom😬). Honestly, I’ve never been someone who has always known for sure yes or no. I think it depends on the season of life I’m in, and sometimes the day. I do know this, there’s not a whole lot of support for the days/months when it’s a no for me. I think we’ve decided on our own that marriage is the plan for EVERYONE, and because of that, we miss out on an opportunity to minister to those who may feel called to singleness. I just know this- I love the Lord with all my heart, and I want to love and serve Him all the days of my life- if that’s in singleness I want to do it with everything, and if in marriage- I want to give it the very same amount of intentionality. I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by godly marriages and I’ve said, “I want that!”, but I’ve also been blessed to have seen singleness be used to glorify God and have said- “I want that!”
How are you still single?
Oh beautiful friend, I trust that you mean well and that this should even be a compliment…STOP It! STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION!
1. God is in Control 2. God is AWESOME (not me) 3. God withholds no good gifts from me 4. There isn’t anything wrong with me! This question implies that all four of those statements are false, and well, that’s simply not true! 🙂
…but to answer your question- God hasn’t willed for my life to look any different than it does today 🙂
Are you even trying?
Um, what does that even mean??? seriously, will someone answer this question?
Aren’t you scared you’re running out of time?
Oh my word! Can we not be so dramatic?? yeah, we’re all running out of time… on earth 😂 ! Also, Abraham and Sarah. We serve a God whose time is not limited by my biological clock… which He also happens to be in control of.
How can I as your married friend help (I had ONE friend ask this, and it’s been my favorite question pertaining to this topic til this day!)?
1. Pray for me. Pray that I would faithfully serve God and pray for my ministry. Pray that every ounce of God’s glory that can be squeezed out of my life, is.
2. I’m not saying you should never ask if I’m dating anyone(cause let’s be honest, I probably wouldn’t tell you if you didn’t ask), but I AM saying, be intentional in how you ask and let’s talk about what all Jesus is teaching us in our seasons of life. We CANNOT afford to make something that’s not the main thing, the main thing.
3. PLEASE don’t try to set me up with someone just because they’re single and possibly love Jesus and that’s all you know about them. Be prayerful and mindful of both of us… spare us both the distraction and awkward conversation that may have to follow 🙂
How can I as your single friend help?
1. Let’s pray for each other and let’s not spend every interaction we have talking about being single! Think it’s for sure healthy to have a safe space to express our joys, disappointments, frustrations, etc. but we CANNOT make singleness an idol.
2. Let’s hold each other accountable in living our best life for Jesus! Let’s stir each other on towards growing in our faith, let’s be honest about where we are and do life openly, vulnerably, and authentically. Singleness doesn’t have to be hard, lonely, or a constant time of waiting! What type of God would we be serving if that were the case? He isn’t cruel or vicious! No! He’s loving, attentive, and present. ALWAYS.
3. Let’s not just hangout with each other! Married people are cool too (well, most of them anyway! haha) and kids are a lot of fun to be around (again, most of them)! We (maybe just I) need to diversify our circles!
4. I feel like I should add this, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for desiring marriage. I think we’ve bought the lie that being content in singleness means you don’t think about or desire to be married. That’s simply not true! If that’s something you truly desire, let’s pray about it and leave the rest to God!
If you struggle with your season of singleness, I’d love to connect with you and do life with you-not because I have it figured out (cause I don’t) but because I know that being honest about where you are and being willing to let God transform your heart, is where it starts. I would love nothing more than to walk with you in that.
Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. 19 I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me! 20 My soul is consumed with longing for your rules[d] at all times. 21 You rebuke the insolent, accursed ones, who wander from your commandments. 22 Take away from me scorn and contempt, for I have kept your testimonies. 24 Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.
As always, know that I’ve prayed for you and ask that you do the same for me!